?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

stolen from heather. maroon 5 heather lol

the actual link

The bid started at $5, ended with $102.50 and had 22 bids.

You are bidding on a mistake.

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants.

I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.

The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.

Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.

I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:

I am not a member of Queen.
I do not like motorcycles.
I am not Rod Stewart.
I am not French.
I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.

These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.

Again, they’re men’s pants, but they’d probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.

They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.

These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.

Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I’m hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you’re trying to bed.

Please buy these leather pants.

Seller's payment instructions
I'm very close to the UPS Store, a box store, a Post Office, several homeless guys, an insane woman who doesn't pick up after her dog and a Sex & The City backdrop. That means I can mail quickly upon payment.


yes this made me laugh out loud.



so i'm leaving for LA at 3 AM...

at this point i am trying to figure out if i should go ahead and nap now and wake up at 3 even tho i know it's kinda hard to wake up when you nap...

or if i should stay awake until 3 AM and totally passed out on the bus....

i think i am gonna stay awake since mike agreed to keep me company.
that boy never sleeps.
and i really wanna pass out on the bus lol

but i am SO tired. omfg. lol

Tags:

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
basicstories
Oct. 28th, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC)
"They were never taken on pirate expeditions"

Haha that seriously is the funnest ebay auction I've seen.
basicstories
Oct. 28th, 2005 08:17 pm (UTC)
Ah, it's interesting what you can find online... The seller is actually an author, and the ebay listing is a piece he wrote that's been published in a lot of newspaper columns. This is his blog http://banterist.com/
arnogseel
Oct. 31st, 2005 06:55 pm (UTC)
hey thanks!
garfpooky
Oct. 28th, 2005 07:03 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, that was great. :D So was the Q&A portion on the auction page. I remember seeing something similar before...another auction with a long, funny item description...but for a wedding dress, I think.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

hug me and dont let go
arnogseel
hold me and don't let go

Latest Month

February 2013
S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
2425262728  
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow