hold me and don't let go (arnogseel) wrote,
hold me and don't let go

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old lady jokes

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay
calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios
in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

Three sisters ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One night the
96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the
other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells
back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and
pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at
the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head
and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then
yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost
sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough,
the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other
woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red
lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and
said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

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